Trumplandia

Conservative radio host theorizes that Robert Mueller is jealous of Trump’s penis size

Right-wing radio host and career conspiracy theorist Wayne Allyn Root offered a new theory on why the FBI recently raided the office of President Trump’s personal attorney Michael Cohen. According to him, Mueller is just jealous of Trump’s dick.

“Robert Mueller has probably never had sex in his life,” Root said, apparently ignorant of the fact that Mueller is married with two daughters.

“I know he has never had sex with a beautiful woman,” he continued. “Did you ever see the angry look on Robert Mueller’s face? Robert Mueller needs sex badly and he is so jealous that Donald Trump was a billionaire playboy and obviously had sex with the most beautiful women in the world.”

According to Root, it’s “obvious” that Mueller has “penis envy.”

“This was high school, guys. In high school, there were handsome guys, and then there were handsome guys who were jocks, and then there were handsome guys who were jocks and had rich fathers,” Root said. “And that is Donald Trump. And then all the little nerds like Robert Mueller, who had never had sex in their whole lives, they hated the jocks, they hated the handsome guys, and they really hated the jocks who were handsome guys who were rich. This guy, Muller, has never had sex with a beautiful woman, so he hates Trump with a passion.”

“Robert Mueller is a pervert,” Root said, adding that he’s trying to take down the “greatest president in modern history.”

“He probably sits home and watches porn. He has probably never had a girl in his whole life, a beautiful woman, so he sits and watches images and then he realizes there is someone like Donald Trump who is living every man’s fantasy.”

“[Mueller] doesn’t even know what sex feels like. Robert Mueller is an ugly lawyer, he’s got nothing going for him.”

The rant continued:

Mueller is vicious, Mueller is disgusting, Mueller is a pervert. Can you imagine what he does at home at night? Who knows what he does, watching his computer images of Donald Trump and beautiful women. I can just guess what Mueller is doing in the dark, with the light of the screen glaring on him inside is office at 12 midnight. Quote me, Robert Mueller: You’re a pervert, you’re a loser, you’re ugly, you have never had a beautiful women in your life and you’re jealous of Donald Trump. It is all so clear now.”

“It’s penis envy,” Root concluded. “Mueller’s is smaller than Trump’s.”

Listen to the audio flagged by Right Wing Watch below:

Featured image via screen grab/YouTube

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