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Here are 7 ‘sarcastic’ reasons why you shouldn’t vaccinate your kids

Here’s a few of what may be the real reasons some parents allow themselves to become anti-vaxxers:

Sadly, a big disseminator of this nation’s recent anti-vaccine hysteria has come from parenting blogs on the Internet – widely referred to as “mommy blogs.”

Whether that label hints at a veiled sexism is for another article, but for every person with a domain name doling out pseudoscience to their tens of thousands of followers, there are websites out there run by people who are actually interested in facilitating an honest dialogue, who don’t rely on unfounded claims to whip up panic to generate ad revenue.

Scary Mommy is one of those blogs. Jill Smokler, the site’s creator, doesn’t hesitate to ask and discuss the questions about parenthood some may be too uncomfortable to bring up. Smokler’s website “consists of an on-site confessional where moms can anonymously share whatever is on their minds in a judgment free environment, a pregnancy, baby, and travel guide, active and passionate message boards and the original blog, written by Jill and a talented team of writers.”

But when it comes to the subject of vaccines, the site’s content isn’t exactly “judgement free.”

In a recent post entitled, “7 Sarcastic Reasons Not To Vaccinate Your Children,” staff writer Lola Lolita brilliantly exposes what may be the real reasons some parents allow themselves to become anti-vaxxers:

1. You plan for them to live in isolation for the rest of their lives. If you’re going to start a commune filled with unvaccinated people who make their own food and weave their own clothing and have zero contact with the outside world ever, you probably don’t need to vaccinate your kids.

2. You plan to wrap your kids up in a giant bubble for eternity. If a life of solitude isn’t your jam, you could always fashion an impenetrable globule around your children to protect them from rubella. Sure, they might not have any friends, but at least you saved them from that .000001 percent chance they’d die from getting the MMR.

3. You plan to douse your children in bleach. If you believe proper hygiene and diet is the best way to prevent communicable disease, dedication is the key to success. This means no fewer than seven bleach baths per day and, oh, don’t forget to feed them lye sandwiches as well. It’s best to tackle these things both inside and out.

4. You believe “those things” only happen to other people. If you’ve got a knack for stopping bad shit in its tracks by adopting a that-stuff-only-happens-in-third-world-countries attitude, I’d say you can forego vaccinating your kids. Seems legit to me.

5. You somehow know more about disease prevention than people who dedicate their lives to its research. Don’t have a medical degree or nearly a lifetime of investigating deadly disease prevention under your belt? No worries! If you think you know better than the people with advanced education and thousands of hours of experience in this field, you’re good.

6. You can magically protect your family with positive thinking. If you’ve had success stymieing misfortune by sharing memes with gratifying platitudes on social media and meditating in fields of sunflowers, I say forget about vaccination — light some patchouli and bring on the healing up in this mofo!

7. Total world domination is your goal. Perhaps your intent is to wipe out as many people as possible by potentially passing on preventable diseases in an effort to make herd immunity your bitch. If so, you definitely shouldn’t vaccinate. Nothing says you mean business quite like biological warfare.

Check out Scary Mommy’s Facebook page here. Featured image courtesy of io9. 

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28 Comments

28 Comments

  1. Linann Singh

    February 23, 2015 at 2:42 pm

    ds, your not helping.

  2. Anthony Edgington1@gmail.com

    February 23, 2015 at 3:33 pm

    Facinating, written no doubt by a hired writer who is paid to write to suggest that most agree with the sentiments proffered. Well if you have been educated to enter into the medical profession that is true, you have been inoculated with lies to ensure that you will believe and promote the use of medications to the profit of big pharma. Sadly for you, the general public is finally catching up and demanding that more care be used to ensure that what is put into our bodies is not harmfull which today is untrue. As to what the writer knows about health, I assure the readers it is non since it is writen by a writer not a person trained in medicine ever, though few of these are so knowledgeable as to forcast how a particular patient will react to treatment. Am I so trained, fair question to ask, and the answer is NO, and thank God I am not so inoculated that I believe lies. I am trained in the knowledge that a person is not just a body and act accordingly. I am trained to treat others as I would be treated.

  3. Wytwolf (@Wytwolf)

    February 25, 2015 at 11:47 pm

    No, you certainly aren’t trained. You’re also obviously not trained how to write. I have a feeling the person who wrote this article has a higher education than you.

  4. asfandancer

    February 26, 2015 at 12:05 am

    Mr. Edmonton, debate on this issue is useless. Those opposed to vaccinating refuse to change their opinions, those who favor it are also unshakable. My only input is, when I was young I had the misfortune of having every communicable disease because I was born before vaccinations. Having had chicken pox I was the unhappy recipient of shingles at the age of 74. I would not wish any of these things on any child so I was so thankful when I was able to spare my children the agony, discomfort, and yes pain of these diseases by having them vaccinated. By the way, autism was around before vaccinations.

  5. David Sprenkle

    February 26, 2015 at 12:09 am

    Anthony, your response is full of empty catch phrases and bogey words (“big pharma,” “innoculated with lies”). You argue that the writer has no medical training, but then you reject medical training as indoctrination. How convenient! The “general public” is actually coming down hard on you anti-vaxxers these days, I’m afraid, and it’s because your position is a selfish one which puts the community at risk. Grow up.

  6. Ha!

    February 26, 2015 at 3:48 am

    Are you vaccinated?

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    February 26, 2015 at 6:09 am

    Hahahahahahahahaha…… wow
    oh yeah..
    hahahaha.. points . Hahahahaha

  8. David Giroux

    February 26, 2015 at 1:54 pm

    Hello! I think you are trying to say that you have medical training and that vaccines are terrible and the pharmaceutical industry is a conspiracy to make money at the expense of our health. Im a molecular biologist and though my area of research is outside medicine, have a working knowledge of microbiology, epidemiology, and immunology. While I agree there are some aspects of medical culture that need to be changed, I’m not sure that I’ve ever heard of any papers supporting your claims against vaccines. Would you care to enlighten me?

  9. caroweCharlotte

    February 26, 2015 at 7:19 pm

    Actually most DO agree with these sentiments. Ati-vax-dimwits are in a small minority because most people have more sense.

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