Op-ed

Kellyanne Conway’s tweets are not the sick burns she thinks they are

Recently, the 9th Circuit ruled against Easy D‘s travel ban, prompting Hillary Clinton to tweet “3-0,” the most shade-throwing three-character tweet this side of RuPaul. Kellyanne Conway, who sold her soul to an angry orange howler monkey so she could go down in history as the innocent, shining face of the Trump administration, responded with “PA, WI, MI”, referencing three swing states Clinton lost to Trump in the election.

Conway has a lot of confidence in her own sense of humor. (Remember her stand-up set for charity?) She also has, multiple times, referenced the election in a “sassy” comeback to something a Clinton has tweeted. Conway, this is not the clapback you think it is.

The tweets Conway sends out referencing the election serve the following purposes:

1. They make her look petty as all hell.

2. They remind us all that the election was decided by an outdated system where the person who lost the popular vote can still somehow become President of the “greatest democracy on Earth.”

3. They also remind us that Easy D genuinely believes there are millions of illegal votes out there, referencing some two-bit blogger as his one and only source.

4. They remind us that Easy D has an itchy twitter finger as well, and that there was a period during the election where Easy D did not have access to his own twitter account.

5. They make us wistful for what could have been, if only we had elected someone even a little bit competent. THANKS A LOT, PA, WI, MI. Y’all f*cked us.

6. They make us question why there isn’t anything more recent from the Trump administration that she can point to as a win, because bringing up this old sh*t is embarrassing.

7. They remind me of Janet Jackson because, girl, what have you done for me lately.

8. They remind us of the many times Conway has pointed out her refusal to speak out on certain topics because she’s too classy for that.

9. They bring us back to the arduous election process which included such highlights as Easy D bringing Clinton’s mistresses to the debate and Easy D bragging about grabbing women by the p*ssy.

10. They remind us that this is the thinnest-skinned administration in the history of the United States because seriously, let one f*cking thing go.

All of the above are things I would not want the electorate thinking about very much. None of it is impressive.

Clinton has been accused of having an intern write her tweets. I would recommend Conway take a page out of that playbook. Some people are clever and witty. Some people can use twitter for a succinct and impressive putdown.

And some people are Kellyanne Conway.

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