The Internet’s most cartoonish crackpot conspiracy theorist has made himself the punchline of a mass joke once again. This Sunday, Alex Jones warned that on this coming July 4, Democrats were planning to launch a second civil war.
“Establishment publications that communicate with the governmental and corporate institutions, began to develop a plan for a civil emergency to use civil unrest, racial strife in America to force Trump out,” Jones declared on a live webcast this Sunday.
According to Jones, July 4 “is a key crossroads for all of that.”
“The globalists see July 4 as their new D-Day against us.”
Almost immediately after Jones made his declaration, the hashtag #secondcivilwarletters began trending on Twitter, taking on a parodic tone that mimicked Ken Burns’ famous Civil Wars documentary series which featured narrators reading letters written by Civil War soldiers to their loved ones.
One of the most engaged tweets came from Daily Beast columnist Rick Wilson:
“I stared at the dying soldier, his Alt-Reich Douchestaffel uniform covered in blood. He gripped my arm, eyes wild with fear of impending death. ‘One question…’ he gasped. ‘Anything,’ I said. With his last breath he sighed, ‘What is a clitoris?'”
I stared at the dying soldier, his Alt-Reich Douchestaffel uniform covered in blood.
He gripped my arm, eyes wild with fear of impending death.
"One question…" he gasped.
"Anything," I said.
With his last breath he sighed, "What is a clitoris?"
— Rick Wilson (@TheRickWilson) July 3, 2018
Below are a few more funny examples:
By the time we reached Mar a Lago, the enemy was in full retreat. Major BoneSpur had fled, seeking refuge in his Motherland, but was captured at the border. There he remains. Locked in cage. Indefinitely.
Fire up the grill. I'll be home for supper.#secondcivilwarletters
— Polly Sigh (@dcpoll) July 3, 2018
My beloved Harriet —
I write to you with a heavy heart. I was gravely memed during a skirmish with a squad of Incel Irregulars. Doc Tibbens says there’s nothing for it — he will have to amputate my Twitter feed.
Womp womp — Jed. #SecondCivilWarLetters
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) July 3, 2018
We infiltrated the MAGA encampment. It wasn't hard, their sentries were all posing for Instagram with AR-15s as the heavily flannelled officers in the TOC sent thirsty replies to the sentries.
What does "give you a Dirty Gorka" mean anyway?#secondcivilwarletters
— zeddy (@Zeddary) July 3, 2018
My dearest Gladys,
I saw a man lose his life today. His eyes looked past me, toward what I did not know. I kneeled at my fallen enemy.
“I could’ve been on your side,” he revealed between coughs. “But for her emails,” he said as he met his fate.
— Lush Life (@BobHarryD) July 3, 2018
Of course, I couldn’t resist:
The Red Hats are trapped here in the foothills of Ventura County and the Democrats have inflicted massive casualties. But worse, there is discord among the Red Hats' ranks. Many are convinced the wounded are crisis actors. #secondcivilwarletters
— Sky Palma (@DeadStateTweets) July 3, 2018
You can find more tweets here.